Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married Read online

  CHAPTER THREE

  That the saying “Like mother, like daughter” or “Like father, like son” is not a myth

  1. James Garbarino, Lost Boys: Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them (New York: Free Press, 1999), 50.

  2. Theodore Jacob and Sheri Johnson, “Parenting Influences on the Development of Alcohol Abuse and Dependence.” Alcohol Health and Research World, vol. 21, no. 3 (1997): 204–209. For additional information, see the National Association for Children of Alcoholics website: www.nacoa.net/impfacts.htm.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  That apologizing is a sign of strength

  1. 1 John 1:8–9.

  2. Gary D. Chapman and Jennifer Thomas, The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 2006), 125–28.

  CHAPTER SIX

  That forgiveness is not a feeling

  1. Psalm 103:12.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  That we needed a plan for handling our money

  1. Acts 20:35.

  2. Ellie Kay, The Little Book of Big Savings (Colorado Springs: WaterBrook Press, 2009).

  CHAPTER NINE

  That mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic

  1. Deuteronomy 24:5.

  2. See William G. Axinn and Arland Thorton, “The Relationship Between Cohabitation and Divorce: Selectivity or casual influence?” Demography 29 (1992): 357–74; and Zheng Wu, “Premarital Cohabitation and Postmarital Cohabitation Union Formation,” Journal of Family Issues 16 (1995): 212–32.

  3. Barbara Wilson, The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free from Your Sexual Past (Colorado Springs: Multnomah Publishers, 2006).

  4. Clifford and Joyce Penner, The Gift of Sex (Nashville: W Publishing Group, 2003).

  CHAPTER TEN

  That I was marrying into a family

  1. Psalm 133:1.

  2. Ron L. Deal, The Smart StepFamily (Minneapolis: Bethany House, 2002).

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  That spirituality is not to be equated with “going to church”

  1. 2 Corinthians 6:14–16.

  2. Genesis 1:1.

  3. Genesis 1:27 (TNIV).

  4. Hebrews 1:1–3.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  That personality profoundly influences behavior

  1. For more information, or to locate a counselor in your area, visit: www.prepare-enrich.com.

  EPILOGUE

  1. Kim McAlister, “The X-Generation,” HR Magazine 39 (May 1994): 21.

  Resources

  Websites

  Startmarriageright.com. Articles, videos, and the latest resources to help you have a successful marriage because your wedding day is just the beginning!

  Dr. Gary Chapman: www.5lovelanguages.com. Numerous resources to help you discover the marriage you’ve always wanted.

  FamilyLife: www.familylife.com. A variety of marriage resources.

  Marriage Partnership: www.marriagepartnership.com. Articles and insights geared to couples in the early years.

  Financial expert Dave Ramsey: www.daveramsey.com. Includes many resources specifically for young couples.

  Crown Financial Ministries: www.crown.org. A variety of helpful financial tools. Excellent for those starting out.

  Ron Deal: www.successfulstepfamilies.com. Excellent resources for couples contemplating remarriage after divorce or the death of a spouse.

  Books

  Ron L. Deal, The Smart Step Family (Bethany House). Seven steps to a healthy step-up family.

  Ron L. Deal and David H. Olson, The Remarriage Checkup (Bethany House). Advice for couples who are contemplating remarriage after divorce or the death of a spouse.

  Tim and Joy Downs, One of Us Must Be Crazy… and I’m Pretty Sure It’s You and Fight Fair! (Moody). Advice on dealing with conflict.

  Emerson Eggerichs, Love & Respect (Integrity). What wives and husbands really want.

  Tony Evans, For Married Men Only and For Married Women Only (Moody). Biblical insights.

  Jerry B. Jenkins, Hedges (Crossway). On protecting your marriage from infidelity.

  Kevin Leman, Sheet Music (Tyndale). On sexual intimacy.

  Clifford and Joyce Penner, The Gift of Sex (W Publishing Group). A forthright, sensitive guide to understanding sexuality.

  Greg Smalley and Erin Smalley, Before You Plan Your Wedding… Plan Your Marriage (Howard). Insights from a younger married couple.

  John Townsend and Henry Cloud, Boundaries in Marriage (Zondervan). Dealing with some of the psychological issues.

  Ed Young, The Ten Commandments of Marriage (Moody). Counsel from a well-known pastor.

  Log on to

  5lovelanguages.com

  We want to help you feel loved.

  The 5 Love Languages™

  by Dr. Gary Chapman

  The 5 Love Languages™ Men’s Edition The 5 Love Languages™ The 5 Love Languages™ Gift Edition

  A relationship book from a man’s perspective is a big plus. Discovering that the key to interpreting your wife’s feelings isn’t a gender issue? That’s an even bigger breakthrough. Turn evocative marital issues into manageable, practical action points. What if you could say or do just the right thing guaranteed to make that special someone feel loved? The secret is learning the right love language! Millions of couples have learned the simple way to express their feelings and bring joy back into marriage. The perfect gift for an engagement, wedding, or anniversary! Give the happy couple the secret to finding true happiness in marriage—the key is learning the right love language! This beautiful new gift edition will be a treasured resource.

  AVAILABLE AT YOUR FAVORITE LOCAL OR ONLINE BOOKSTORE

  The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted Bible Study

  Dr. Gary Chapman has helped millions of couples toward true unity and oneness. With his unique brand of humor, insight, groundbreaking revelations and straightforward common sense, he can help you build The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted, too. From the deeply emotional to the gritty and practical, you’ll find answers you can use to grow today. Learn how to share yourself fully with your spouse and express love in a meaningful way. By sharing this resource, couples will discuss and reflect on such areas as money, anger, forgiveness, and spirituality, all in an easy-to-use workbook format. Ideal for personal and group study.

  AVAILABLE AT YOUR FAVORITE LOCAL OR ONLINE BOOKSTORE

  Learn how to

  resolve conflict

  The Five Languages of Apology Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way

  We are experts at wronging each other, but when it comes to setting things right, we all could use some help. Counselor Jennifer Thomas joins Dr. Chapman in an eye-opening study of one of the most important yet least understood pillars of human relationships: the apology. Surprisingly, saying “I’m sorry” isn’t primarily a matter of will—it’s a matter of how. When anger explodes out of control, it can cause irreparable damage; buried, unresolved anger can be just as destructive. How can we handle our anger—and help those we love with theirs? Relationship expert Gary Chapman reveals some surprising insights and techniques for managing anger in a healthy, even productive way.

  AVAILABLE AT YOUR FAVORITE LOCAL OR ONLINE BOOKSTORE

  Strengthen your finances

  strengthen your relationship

  Debt-Free Living Money and Marriage God’s Way

  With people’s credit, mortgages, car payments, salaries, commissions, and bills fluctuating daily, Debt-Free Living has never looked more attractive. Learn about the origin of most financial troubles and break out of the debt cycle. Debt-Free Living is a necessary resource to battle the ever-present temptation and trappings of more and more debt that keeps weighing you down. Financial woes and marriage troubles can rob couples of precious opportunities to savor the blessings of companionship, family, and peace that God intends for His people. Money and Marriage God’s Way will help you discover God’s approach to growing your finances and s
trengthening your relationship with your mate. It highlights key issues like debt, conflict, spending, investing, saving, and budgeting.

  AVAILABLE AT YOUR FAVORITE LOCAL OR ONLINE BOOKSTORE

  There is hope

  True intimacy is available

  Undefiled: Redemption from Sexual Sin, Restoration for Broken Relationships

  When practiced as God intends, spirituality and sexuality both draw us closer to Christ. Spiritual maturity and sexual maturity go hand-in-hand, and together they hold out the promise of redemption and restoration needed by everyone who has been damaged by sexual sin. There is hope. Real change is possible; true intimacy is available. To the person who has failed time and time again sexually, God’s message is simple: you, too, can be Undefiled.

  AVAILABLE AT YOUR FAVORITE LOCAL OR ONLINE BOOKSTORE

  Table of Contents

  INTRODUCTION

  CHAPTER ONE That being in love is not an adequate foundation for building a successful marriage

  CHAPTER TWO That romantic love has two stages

  CHAPTER THREE That the saying “Like mother, like daughter” and “Like father, like son” is not a myth

  CHAPTER FOUR How to solve disagreements without arguing

  CHAPTER FIVE That apologizing is a sign of strength

  CHAPTER SIX That forgiveness is not a feeling

  CHAPTER SEVEN That toilets are not self-cleaning

  CHAPTER EIGHT That we needed a plan for handling our money

  CHAPTER NINE That mutual sexual fulfillment is not automatic

  CHAPTER TEN That I was marrying into a family

  CHAPTER ELEVEN That spirituality is not to be equated with “going to church”

  CHAPTER TWELVE That personality profoundly influences behavior

  EPILOGUE

  APPENDIX Developing a Healthy Dating Relationship

  NOTES

  RESOURCES